Handsome?!

If you were a handsome guy standing at the bar…

· with a beer mug in one hand
· with your i-phone in the other
· with your ‘fancy car’ keys in your pocket
· with your crisp white shirt buttons open just the right amount, to show off that perfectly toned chest, that would keep a woman guessing what the abs looked like
· with ‘made to measurement’ faded denims which continued up to your branded black foot ware that tapped to the beats of crazy remixes
· with skillfully chiseled nose and a naughty lopsided smile
· with jet black, ‘two drinks down’ intoxicated eyes fixed on me as I moved through the crowd, checking me out from top to bottom …

I’d be more than happy!!

But since you look worse than my driver; are standing at the chaiwala along with other ugly, hairy, shapeless men; smirking and throwing risque remarks my way-

“Ghar pe maa behen nahi hai kya?!!”

Caught The Bluff

The women around me haven’t turned any whiter, their hair any silkier, their skin any more glossy, their pimples any less ugly, their teeth (fortunately) don’t project light and well the bad news is – their underarms still smell!

The same applies to the men; the bad news being - flocks of women aren’t running after them, probably because of the non-AXEistent... oops non-existent effect; the good news being – “Since the women haven’t gotten any prettier anyway, why have them run after us?!”

The kids haven’t grown any taller, stronger and definitely not any sharper. Since ’Daag achhe hain’ my neighbours have stopped trying to get the stains off their kids’ clothes; all they do is dip the clothes in a bucket of water, add some detergent and then pray.

The other kids are too busy feeding crocodiles chocolates, in search of a new pet, to really bother about clothes.

I still see crowfeet, dark circles and a few new lines here and there on the exploited faces of the 40 pluses. No amount of colouring can hide their gray roots.

Irrespective of what age group you belong to, if you own a mobile and have tried the ‘Walk while you Talk’ mantra you have obviously experienced this- ‘Irrespective of whether the network follows or not, the dogs will always follow you!’

Sojourn 09

Sojourn ’09…

That some are liars does not surprise me; it is how often and easily they lie that does.
That some are cheaters does not alarm me; it is how tactfully and efficiently they cheat that is alarming.

I have organized a number of events earlier, small ones though, but Sojourn has been the most interesting. The best part about it was interacting with so many people, the honest ones, the bossy ones, the big mouths, the cheats, the most dependable, the unreliable, the scared, the fearless and ones who pop out of nowhere to help you out.


I have always found people amusing. (That should explain why I am mute… just can’t get my eyes off them!) Sojourn served as a platform for me to interact with a numerous people (can still hear my phone ring). Here, I couldn’t afford to keep quiet. I had to make sure I was listening keenly and also make sure that I was being heard.

Unfortunately for us, we were greeted by an Anti-Council undercurrent which did retard our growth to some extent. We had a lot of ‘connecting the dots’ to do before forming the complete picture.


People O’ People


I came across the lazy ones who need to be kicked to get work done. I came across the lazy ones who love to kick the other lazy ones to get some work done.

Some liked to be directed. Some found their way out. Some took ages to get the work done. Some dedicated ones did the work right away. Some didn’t work.

Like every organization there were a few who were victims of favouritism and partiality.

Then, I came across the ones who love to teach, and more often, across the ones who love to preach.

I bumped into the drama queens off n’ on, and the ones who lie through their teeth, and also the “I think it should be like this...” kinds.

The funny ones were those who, so obviously lacked wit, had nothing but abuses in their defense, no matter what the argument. Favourite one” This is Bullshit!” (Glad you can distinguish between horseshit and bullshit.)

I say:” Shove the bullshit up your ass Sweety that should ensure you shut up and behave!”

A handful of people wasted their time telling me how they’d love to help me out with the stuff and all the new things they’ve been thinking of implementing. My reaction:” Stop talking!”As expected, they didn’t lift a finger.

The most annoying was the lot which was scared to experiment, try something new and unusual. They inevitably chose to tread the beaten track and ruined the excitement, for me at least.

You know what the worst part about being on a post like this is? It is when a ‘good for nothing’ tells you that your opinion doesn’t matter.

I say:” I didn’t slog my ass off for some God forsaken entity, who surprisingly has the audacity, to tell me that my opinion doesn’t matter!”


Ex Council Members


When I say lack of experimentation this is what I mean-
Ex: We did it like this and this is how it is supposed to be done.
Current: This is how they did it so we should do it like this.

Worst part, Ex coming and telling you “I’ve been there, done that, and this is not how it is done.”

I say:” You did it your way. Now I do it mine.”

Guys, suggestions are always accepted and considered. Please, keep the sermons to yourselves.

Very few Exs knew what they were talking and could really direct us. Sincere thanks to them for their guidance.


BE (Final Year Students)


Just a handful of irrational, moody, interfering and selfish BEs is more than sufficient to agitate the remaining BEs and give you a tough time. Inspite of being in the last year myself, I conclude that we BEs have the least regard for time, consideration for our juniors and least amount of respect for the ones who strive hard to put an act together.

With their ‘Chalega’ attitude, their ‘adult arrogance’ and their egos riding high on seniority- “How dare you talk to your seniors like that?” Typical! Poor juniors!

Then I discovered a few extremely talented BEs who didn’t mind sharing some wisdom with their juniors. They also went ahead and trained them. We also had a few surprise packages and splendid performances.

It is weird, this junior-senior drama. Our BEs made sure that their performances were BE dominated but at the end of the day, our talented pass-outs seem to have got caught in the rut of ‘Self Promotion’.

I failed at this point. I tried to create opportunity for the students of the college to whom the show belongs, but the Alumni - ones who have been there, done that, managed to trickle in (no prizes for guessing how) depriving the fresh talent.


Audience


One word- ROCKED!!


Lesson


The one lesson I learnt from all of this-I learnt to TRUST.I talked about those unreliable personalities, remember? Well if you are in a fix and have assigned them a job,

TRUST them – they’ll leave it undone!


Overused word: Bullshit
Underused word: Thanks
Never used: Sorry

To hell with everything that went wrong.

Million thanks to everything that went right.


Thank you

This goes out to-The people who were at the right place at the right time doing the right thing.

The ones who did not have the guts to speak up when circumstances were being unfair yet stood by my side in silent support. Believe me that helped!

This one goes out to everybody who tried to ruin it for us-
F***K YOU!!!