The Glorious Misery

I am miserable. So are you. We often share our stories with each other. Infact, we share it with a lot of people. But my life is always more miserable than everyone else’s. I can dig through my past and present to you a series of hardships that I’ve been through. Sure, you’ve had a hard life too but can you imagine being in my shoes?

Somewhere I know…I know I won’t let myself forget the past. Not because I don’t like being happy but because my misery brings glory to my success. Sometimes I will fail and raise my finger at my misery. But, once again, I will promise myself “I am going to be happy.” Then, someone will stop by and blather about their miserable life. They will cry, whine and grumble and force me to break my silence “Friend, my misery is more glorious than yours!”

I know I will never be happy if I look back at that drug, that addictive depressing past that I love to brag about. Yes, it feels good to brag about my misery. Embraced in self pity, it feels good to weep and lose myself while some “concerned” souls try to “help” me. But the “help” will never help for I don’t want it to help.

I am all about “what I was”. I know it is the “I am” that matters... “I am” to the point that “I was” ceases to exist. I am happy.

Testing your appetite

Once upon a time a six inches subway sandwich could satiate a common man’s hunger. Today he has to make do with three slices of tomatoes and three slices of cucumber (irrespective of the size), on a thin sheet of lettuce with a few strands of onions, one black olive- sliced and distributed to give an illusion of generosity- two slices of pickle, two slices of jalapeno with sauces used as adhesives to glue the ends of the shrunken bread. Each ‘wide mouth’ bite of the sub was once a task. Today, he gobbles it down with ease and calls for another six inches.

McD was a disaster from day one. Two slices of bread, a cutlet, some mayo and if you get lucky, half a leaf - this clearly does not qualify as a burger. Wondering how I forgot to mention the cheese? Here’s the thing - if you want cheese with your burger, ask for it! (Yes, this is beyond ridiculous.) Burgers have cheese! Period! Put the cheese back in, you fool!

Pizzas -What a rip off! The average Indian appetite cannot be held responsible for the reduction in the radii from an 8” to a 7”, from a 10” to a 9”. That aside, pizza was once about bread generously showered with meat, vegetables and loads of cheese. Today, it’s about bread with two 1cm³ pieces of meat and vegetables per triangular slice covered with a thin film of cheese.

Let’s not get into the miniature scoops of ice-cream sold across the parlours or the ‘single gulp’ glasses next to the coffee machines or the ‘four morsels’ cups of hot corn outside the theatre.

Don’t test our appetite!

The Lyricist

No, I wasn’t bored over the weekend. I was just being my creative old self. I’d been contemplating writing a song for ages and had a feeling - “Today is the day!” - although I didn’t know where to begin.

I have always been of the opinion that love songs are the easiest to write. You just got to keep the key words in mind – love, heart, soul, ‘The One’ – you can then move on to describing the physical features - eyes, lips, hair – and stick to the following adjective while doing so – beautiful - and don’t forget to compare it to the sun, moon and stars but if it’s a woman you are talking about, striking a comparison with sweet smelling flowers is advisable.

Although I tried to fill in the blanks, I came to a conclusion that it was either difficult to get creative with love or I was plain unromantic.

For a while, I played around with the idea of writing lyrics for a rap. “Anyone can Rap!”. I figured that I could read two pages of Computer Applications Edition 3, at lightening fast speed, and the world would never guess what I'd blabbed. If this track ever made it to the US Top 20, I could rant about my ‘troubled’ childhood and ‘more or less accustomed to trouble’ engineering life in my interviews.

Proud to have sketched a great career in rapping, I thought of experimenting with a new genre – Metal. I was glad that this was going to be bloody easy ‘cause I could continue to read the next few pages of Computer Applications Edition 3. I knew how my song was going to take shape…

*Crazy beats*

Mumbling…mumbling… (Pg. 125 1st and 2nd paragraph)

*Crazier beats*

Mumbling faster…mumbling much faster…got a bad throat (cough cough).. (Pg. 126 3rd paragraph P.T.O. - Pg. 127)

* ‘I have no idea whom I’m bludgeoning’ beats *

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. (Scream: 15 seconds)

Now that’s a master piece!

Having read enough about computers, I knew it was time to write. This time I picked Hip Hop as my basis. This is how the lyrics go…

#$@@#*& @#$!&&* @##*@  shawty

$#@##$*&& @#$!#$% ^#%&&  party

@#$!#$% ^#%&& #$@@#  booty

#$*&& @#$!#$% @##*@&%  body

Aren’t you amazed how the Hip Hop clan manages to rhyme party with body!




P.S.: Tu tu tu.. tu tu tara in the making…

The Constitution

Let’s take the story of the hare and the tortoise. The two have a race. The hare, assuming it’s a clear win, takes the liberty to rest his tired self halfway. In the mean time, the tortoise overtakes him and wins the race.

What did you learn? : Slow and steady wins the race.
What did I learn? : Never underestimate your opponent.
What did Alpha learn? : Both.
What did Beta learn? : He couldn’t care less about the story.

I wonder -“What changes would I make had I been the tortoise? I’d definitely not have a running race with the hare. Instead, I’d have a car race.”
You wonder- “What changes would I make had I been the hare? I’d probably carry some glucose water along to ensure I don’t get tired or feel sleepy half way through the race.”

Each experience teaches you many things. However, you may or may not learn the lessons that you are expected to learn.

When you claim that you’ve learnt from a story, I believe you but when you claim that you’ve learnt what was taught, I don’t. What you learn is not necessarily what the author intended to teach. What you absorb is not what the author wanted you to grasp.

A million people read holy books and believe that it has enlightened them. When they say -“I’ve learnt to live.”- I believe them. When they say -“This is what God intended to teach us.”- I don’t.

When someone abuses your country, you are bound to defend it fiercely. When someone abuses your state, you try to put theirs down. When someone abuses your religion, you pounce back at them. When someone abuses your family you put up a tough fight. When someone abuses you, you abuse back. This is patriotism at different levels. The defense mechanisms are different for different people.

If you learn that your country’s law prohibits you from smoking weed, you refrain from the ‘wrong doing’. However, this does not make it a global ‘wrong doing’. If you move out of your country, it may no more be a ‘wrong deed’. Of course, you’ll be trapped in another set of laws. Unfortunately, laws are far more rigid than Holy Scriptures.

The fear of God can force a man to behave like a human being but so can the consequences of breaking law.

The Holy Scriptures at least give you a choice. For some reason, people are just too scared to choose. Again, the book was written with an intension to teach. What you learn has a one in a million chance of mapping to the original intention. Yes, it is baffling but true that each of the million people has learnt something different. They would like to believe that their thoughts are concurrent and bound to ‘One’ but the truth remains- ‘To each, his own.’

Does that make you wonder what keeps them from crossing the boundaries, reading new scriptures and learning more? Well, every constitution cleverly binds you to it whether it is the constitution of your country or that of your religion. While your country keeps you from blending into this beautiful world, your religion keeps you from blending into nature’s intelligence. Both keep you from experiencing the brilliance of ‘No Limitations’. It is the fear of the consequences- paying for your sins like a criminal does- that keeps you from moving beyond it.

Similarly, if alcohol is banned in one state it is ‘wrong’ to be consuming it in that state. It is not wrong to be doing so in another.

Just like the country, state and religion binds you, so does family. The head decides what’s right and what’s wrong and you are expected to abide by the rules. If the rules say that you must be home before 10:00 p.m., you are expected to follow it. What forces you to stick to the rules? It is the fear that if you reach home late, you will be punished - ‘pay for your sins’. This does not imply that if the neighbours kids turn up at 1:00 a.m. they are doing ‘wrong’. It is just that they are a part of an altogether different constitution.

In this manner you throw yourself into a slot, within a slot, within yet another slot, and so on, where each slot has its own set of rules and regulations. To comfort ourselves we call it rich culture, traditions, wisdom, morals, and so on. We carry the ‘teaching’ forward so that our children may ‘learn’ from it.

Man - an accumulation of inherited beliefs, borrowed philosophy and imposed behavior.

Trapped!

P.S.: So, what did you learn today?